


I Just Want You To Know Who I Am

by lukeinallhisglory



Series: Muke [9]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Cheating (a little), Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8549962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeinallhisglory/pseuds/lukeinallhisglory
Summary: The one where Michael is painfully in love, and Luke wants to make him happy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one didn't really have a good resolution for a long time. I made one, but I don't really love it. I do love other parts of it though, so here it is anyway. I hope you guys like it.  
> I'm not affiliated with 5SOS at all, and they can sleep with who ever they want.  
> Title from "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls.

“You can’t fucking tell him.” That’s the first thing Calum said in response to a confession that had been tearing me apart for months. This idea of wanting someone so deeply, someone that I was forced in such close proximity to, someone that wanted to touch me, and love me, but not in the way that I wanted it back. Loving Luke was destroying me.

“Then I, what, keep lying?” I was genuinely asking, exhausted and frustrated, close to tears.

“He’s got a girlfriend, Michael! What are you expecting?”

“Nothing. I just had to fucking tell someone.”

“Look, mate, I get that it’s hard. I can’t even imagine.” Calum’s hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing gently, thumb rubbing against the collar of my shirt. “But you can’t tell him.”

I took a deep breath, shaky, desperate and angry. “I know.”

But telling Calum didn’t make it better. It didn’t make it go away, or make it easier to hide.

Luke knocked on my door and I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me the second I glanced up at him in the doorway. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he grinned.

“What’s up?” I forced casualness, trying not to look at him too much.

“Stay with me tonight?” he asked, holding out his hands for me.

“I’m tired, Luke,” I whined, hoping I didn’t sound as scared as I was.

“Oh come on, Mikey, I just want one night of you in my bed,” he pouted at me teasingly, meanwhile my heart stopped beating and reversed, draining all the blood from my body and leaving me motionless.

“Ask Calum,” I suggested, despite the fact that if he did, I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

“He’s not as warm as you,” Luke whined, crawling into my bed with me, curling himself around me. I tried to control my heartbeat as he laid his head on my chest, afraid he would hear how fast it was. “I want _you_ , Mikey,” he whispered, and I almost started crying.

He didn’t mean it, not like that, and the acknowledgement of this threatened to break me. He had no idea how much it hurt to hear it, especially like this, and he would never purposefully be so mean, but it still hurt. “Go away, Luke,” I grumbled, but my voice broke, and he heard it, and now he would never leave until he knew what was wrong.

“Mikey?” he whispered, looking up at me. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, refusing to look at him. “Are you ok?” he asked softly, sitting up next to me. I flung one arm over my face, hiding.

“I’m fine,” I said unconvincingly, my voice wobbling.

“No you’re not, love,” he insisted. Hearing him call me that only made it worse, and now I was full on sobbing. “You could tell me what’s wrong. It’ll make you feel better, I promise,” he whispered, his hand gripping mine, thumb stroking back and forth.

“I can’t,” I admitted, my breath rattling out as a sob.  

My whole body felt hot and tight, too big and too small, the feeling stemming from my lungs and blooming out with every breath. “Mikey, you can trust me. If something’s happened, you can tell me,” he assured me.

“Not this, Luke,” I groaned.

“Did someone tell you that you can’t talk about it?” he asked, sounding protective. “Did someone do something to you? Did _you_ do something? I won’t be mad, I promise.”

“Stop promising. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“I know that, love,” he chuckled.

“Stop calling me that!” I yelled, startling him. “Fuck! Just stop!”

“ _Oh_ ,” he murmured, clearly hurt. “Ok, sorry.” I thought I had a chance that he would give up now. I didn’t like that I’d hurt him, but that could be dealt with another time.

“Leave me alone, Luke,” I begged.

“Mikey,” he tried, definitely not giving up.

“Please.”

“I’m trying to help you. Don’t you get it? I want you to tell me what’s making you so upset. You’re my best friend, and probably the thing that I love most in this world, and if something’s upsetting you then I want to try to fix it!” He was getting a little more worked up now.

“And what if it’s you?” I yelled, caught up in his words.

“You’re mad at me?” he asked, voice soft now.

“I’m not mad.” I didn’t have it in me to make him believe this was his fault.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing! You did nothing at all, and yet I’m crying because you walked into my room and told me you want me.”

“What?”

“Forget it, just go,” I moaned, pushing him away.

He pulled at my arm where it was still covering my face. “Michael,” he whispered, his eyes wide and searching. “Are you saying you’re…into me?” he said carefully, gaze piercing right through me.

“Fuck!” I yelled. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Answer me,” he murmured, sounding scared.

“Yes! Yes, I’m _in_ to you!”

“I have a girlfriend.”

“I know that! Fuck, I know that,” I groaned, climbing out of bed, walking away from him, bracing myself against the closet door for a moment. I heard a door shut behind me and I turned around to find him leaning against it, watching me closely.

“Do you love me?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” I breathed out, unable to contain it.

“She…doesn’t. We’re not there yet, I guess.”

“Oh?” I murmured, my voice strangled.

“I’ve never been loved…not like…no one’s ever loved me like that,” he murmured.

“You have a girlfriend, Luke.”

“But you love me, Mikey,” he murmured, moving away from the door, over to me. “And I want to know what that feels like.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I mean it.”

“Luke, I can’t do this right now.”

“You’re in tears over me?” he asked, amazed.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want my best friend _fine_. I want you to be happy, Mike.”

“You’re not into me, you can’t force that.”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

“You’re saying you are?”

“Well, I’ve never really considered it, but I think you’re hot, and amazing, and I love you like this, so why not like that?”

“Because it’s either there, or it isn’t.”

“Show me.”

“Luke.” It was a warning, but also a plea.

“Kiss me.”

And refusing him wasn’t within my powers. I lunged forward and grabbed his waist, pushing him back against the door, pressing my mouth to his. He let himself melt into it, pulling me against him, burying one hand in my hair, lacing our fingers together with the other. I bit down on his bottom lip and he groaned pornographically, opening his mouth to me, tugging at my hair. After a few minutes of this, I could feel his tears on my face.

When I pulled back he leaned back against the door, panting, eyes shut. “Michael, it’s fucking there,” he whispered, gripping the fabric of my shirt at my waist.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“And her?” I mumbled, not even able to say her name.

“I don’t care. I want _you_ , Mikey. Everything else we can figure out later.”

It broke me a little bit to think that he still wasn’t mine, but I didn’t have the strength to ask for more, not when I’d already gotten so much. “Luke,” I murmured.

“Mikey, I _want_ you.”

And I was crying again, silent and painful. “Not like this, Luke.”

“Give me an hour,” his hand cupped the back of my neck. He kissed my cheek and slipped out of the room.

He came back almost 2 hours later, knocking softly, coming in, and shutting the door behind him. “Hi,” he looked at me, his gaze intense and expectant.

I pulled off my headphones tossing them aside. “So?”

“Turns out, she was cheating on me. Or so she says, maybe she just wanted to hurt me,” he shrugged.

“Luke,” I tried, but I didn’t know what to say.

“I broke it off. She didn’t seem upset, more like offended, but I don’t know, maybe that’s just a cover.”

He sat down next me, hand on my stomach, one foot on the ground. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“I’m completely sure.”

“You just haven’t had a lot of process time.”

“I’m a leaper, or so I’ve been told. I take chances, and follow gut feelings, and you’re one of them, now on the list with starting this band.”

I smiled. “I’m a gut feeling?”

“You distract me, always have. My attention is constantly on you, sometimes when I don’t even realize.”

“Most people call me annoying.”

“I think I’ve just always loved you, in whatever way was in my capacity to understand, to the highest level I could.”

“Still want me in your bed?”

He grinned. “Always.”

And this time he did mean it, and it didn’t hurt to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that was a little bit awkward at the end, maybe one day I'll come up with something better. Let me know what you think, and please check out my other stuff if you liked this.


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